Dov Baron – Mind Mastery

I posted a status on FaceBook that got some very interesting responses.

If you are on Facebook I’m sure you’ll agree that Facebook in its self is a rather fascinating ‘place’ or phenomena.

Originally, when certain people tried to get me on FB, I was resistant and now I have many thousands of  ‘friends’. However, the question I have is do our FB ‘friends’ really know us? Do they even care about who we are, what matters to us, or even what we do?

When I posed the original question on FB so many of my  FB ‘friends’ shared wonderful kind words that touched my heart. I am so grateful to those who replied to my FB status question… I feel enormously honoured to be seen by you all and I deeply value our relationship. What was fascinating was that there were many people who I feel I know well who did not write anything, (of course they may never have seen my question). Just as surprising were all the wonderful comments I got from people I did not even know.

Many years ago I gave a presentation on: “Friends, when to hold them, when to fold them.” I like to share with you a portion of that presentation and you can let me know what you think and feel.

We have all heard people speak of ‘fair weather friends’. These are the people who are your friend in good times…

It is said that when you hit hard times ‘fair weather friends’ will move out faster than bugs from a burning mattress. Clearly it makes sense that if a friend is only there for the good times this isn’t much of a friend.

What I want to share with you are some other kinds of friends you may want to pay attention to, in particular ‘bad weather friends’. I know you’ve been told that real friends will stick with you in times of trouble, and although that is true there is a certain type of friend who is only really there for you in your bad times.

You can probably remember a time when you were in a crappy relationship and this particular friend was right there for you. They told you that s/he is a fool to let you go.  Or maybe you can remember a time when you were in serious financial ‘doo-doo’, and that certain friend was once again, right there for you, telling you that ‘they’ just don’t see your talents and skills. 

In fact the worse things get the closer this kind of friend is. I can almost hear you say; “well what’s wrong with that?”

It’s not that there is something wrong with it, in fact I would agree that a ‘real friend’ would be there for you in such times.  As much as I highly suggest that you be in full gratitude for those who are genuinely there for you in such times of challenge. That being said; we may want to examine this kind of relationship with at least the same level of inquiry as that of a ‘fair weather friend’.

In the case of a ‘fair weather friend’ it’s pretty easy to see why the person is your friend, but have you ever considered why a ‘bad weather friend’ might be hanging out? Just as you might notice a ‘fair weather friend’ fade into the distance during tough times, a ‘bad weather friend’ will disappear during the good times, (particularly if the good times last).

At this point you may be wondering why a ‘bad weather friend’ would go away in good times, well the answer may surprise you. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying:

Misery Loves Company!

There will always be these type of people in your life because at either a conscious or unconscious level they find that you being in the crapper allows them to feel better about themselves.

A ‘bad weather friend’ is incredibly supportive when you are down however, when you are up, you are seen as a threat. They may even use the kind of language that will tell you what kind of friend they really are.  If they say:  “when you become successful, find a lover, get promoted, (or any other kind of status change) you won’t want to be around me anymore.” This is the language of a ‘bad weather friend’.

Good friends, real friends, are there for you in both the good and the bad times. When things are tough they will hold you and tell you what’s great about you. However, when you are wallowing they will kick your ass to get you going if that’s what it takes. This same good friend will be overjoyed for your success in any given area. They want the best for you even if it means that for you to be truly happy and fulfilled they could lose out.

Real friends want you to become all that you are at that soulful level of fulfilling your potential.

A real friend would rather walk away than support you playing small.

A real friend will lift you up so that you can describe the view ahead and in turn inspire them to go to the next level.

I said earlier that Misery Loves Company, well so does Joy! So…

Get yourself around those who are playing big in all areas, especially joy!

I am a blessed man in more ways than I can say here. However, one way I know this for certain is I am surrounded by “Real Friends”. Some I have known for years, some I have known for moments. Some are blood family, some are spiritual family. Some I have hugged and kissed with deep affection, some I know only via the electronic world of this blog, our members site at ResonanceCity.com, and some even through FaceBook , Twitter and YouTube.

However, we know each other, I thank you for being more than a ‘fair weather friend’ or a ‘bad weather friend’.

I am deeply grateful for each of you who lift me up upon your shoulders to shine a light out into the world.

Thank you for celebrating my success, and telling everyone you know about what I teach.

I look forward to your feedback

With gratitude,

P.S. Have you heard “The Accidental Guru” Radio Show yet? I’m your host every Friday Morning from 11AM-12 noon (PST) Details are at: http://radiodov.com

P.S. I deep enjoyed the FaceBook responses, so I  have copied my question and some of the responses below as I thought you’d enjoy the wise and sometime funny insights:

My Question: Are we friends? If you do consider me a friend, please tell me why that is.

• Alexander Kozupytsya
  I heard a lot of good things about you plus you like Tom Jones! They say you’re the new Anthony Robbins….the self help buffs!

• Danielle-Nicole Lareau
  Because..you are me..and I like who you are..pure love and compassion my friend…ciao for now Dani

• Andrea Lachner.  Facebook (and My Space and Twitter LOL) has opened a whole new world to us – we can become ‘friends’ with people we’ve never met (and possibly never will meet) in person. Not to mention people in completely different time zones. Why do I become ‘friends’ with someone like you? Because you are inspiring!!! And I am always keen to read what you have for us to read & think about.
  I have learnt along the way that there are many different type of friends in our lives. There’s the ones that will always be in your life no matter where in the world we each end up. There are the ones that are friends to you only when they need you or when you yourself need them. Which is a paradox to the saying that some people are your friends only in the good times – yup, I know of people that are only your friend in bad times – weird huh? But nevertheless, every person we meet (in person or these days in cyberspace) has something to offer to our lives in some way or another.
  The word ‘friend’ has many more meanings and levels to it than just one or 2 words
  My 2 cents worth this early in the morning (for me) LOL…
  Love and light XX… Read More

• Krystal Pine
  I love you Dov because you are kind and considerate, but also, you have a backbone and stand up for the truth, you are gentle and honest.

• Rosally Saltsman
  Yes. A friend is someone you trust, who possesses qualities you admire, who shares things in common with you and with whom you feel an emotional or spiritual chemistry. A friend is someone whom you feel you can grow through or with and help them to grow as well. It isn’t unusual in today’s technology or higher spiritual awareness to have friends you’ve never met. It’s just hard to have friends you never see.

• Kim Dushinski… Yes, I consider you a friend because you have gone dog walking with me more times than you know. (Via my MP3 player, of course).

• Natalie Gibson
  Because you are who you are and you’re not afraid to show it, because you’re continually pushing your own growth at an exponential rate, because you are profoundly integral with yourself and with others, because you don’t bullshit me with social nice disease and because we laugh and have fun together. simple, really.

• Naseem Rahman
  We are born into our families and we are related to them by blood. Yet, there are some people who enter our lives for a reason and they become a part of our family, leaving a lasting impression on our lives. You are one such person in my life, Dov. You are my friend, my mentor,my guide and the voice of reason for me when the chips are down & I … feel cornered in a dark place. You are God’s gift to this universe, making it a better place to live. May the light of your enlightenment spread to places afar …You are simply the BEST….with Love Naseem

Popularity: 1% [?]

Former President Bill Clinton brought two freed U.S. journalists out of North Korea back to the USA on Wednesday, August 5th, following rare talks with reclusive leader Kim Jong-il.

President Obama, had a “friendly/thoughtful” conversation over beer at the White House with prominent Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates, who is black, and police Sergeant James Crowley, who is white. Crowley had arrested Gates in his own home for disorderly conduct. President Obama inflamed the situation by saying he thought police “acted stupidly” in arresting Gates.  Obama’s approval rating is said to have fallen from 61 percent in mid-June to 54 percent now, in part due to his handling of the Gates-Crowley situation.

Paula Abdul dropped her online bombshell on Tuesday evening, August 4, 2009, right before season-nine auditions began in Denver. After seven years as a judge, Abdul announced that she’s quitting “American Idol”…And she did it over ‘Twitter.’

Now you may be asking: What do these things have in common and why should you even give a flying pizza slice anyway? While the first two issues involve political world leaders and the third a singing competition judge, you might be surprised to discover not only what they have in common but how these stories relate to you. So, come to the edge of your seat and put on your thinking cap.

Bill Clinton’s involvement in the release of those journalists to some may have seemed like political pandering to an out of control dictator. The Gates-Crowley-Obama situation may have seemed, (if you were just going by the photos) like three mates, who were somewhat over-dressed getting together for a pint of the cold stuff on a hot day.  And Paula Abdul leaving American Idol could easily seem like more of that flaky tinsel town drama.  Even so, let’s take a little deeper look…
Once again, let me be absolutely clear; I do not personally know any of these people and anything I say is completely judgmental, and I am doing nothing more than sharing a psychological/mind mastery perspective.

Let’s start with “Kim”: When you take the time to watch this man, to observe the footage that is available, what I think you will see is simply a child, an emotionally wounded boy screaming for attention.  He has become the bully in order to not get bullied. And to be honest, as off kilter as I think this guy might be, I like that he doesn’t give in to the big boys. He’s not the first to stand up to the big boys and say’ ‘back off, get your own sandwich.’ Sadly, Kim’s methodology is less than Gandhiesk.

So why send in Bill? Anyone who has ever seen the Clintonator in action has seen a man who commands the environment, Bill Clinton has a presence! As a somewhat side-bar: Have you ever seen that show ‘Super Nanny’? It’s one of those reality shows where they bring in an English nanny, Jo Frost, to handle out of control toddlers. Well, my guess is that they sent in Bill to be ‘super nanny.’

Now let’s go back to the ‘beer summit’ for a moment. Why would the Pres be hanging out in the White House garden having beers with a cop, a Prof and his VP, Joe Biden?  I don’t think any of us, even for a moment, believes that this was a beers and Bulls chat.  Obama could have called another press conference or called in a bunch of spin doctors that could pull a David Copperfield and make it all disappear.

Why did Paula announce she was quitting via some 140 character social media outlet? Wasn’t that rather rude? Well, when I tell you what these things have in common it will all make sense.

Each one of these seemingly unrelated announcements/events is connected through specific common bonds. Let me ask you: What do you have in common with everyone on the planet besides the obvious like; ‘we’re all humans?’ The answer is the same as to what bonded the three stories above…

Relationships!  Human beings are relational by nature.

In fact, when someone behaves in a way that seems ‘anti social’ we become concerned about them.

Relationships and how we do them, are in many ways the foundation on which we build every aspect of our lives.

When President Clinton went to speak with Kim Jong-il, it was because of the potential for something to change in the relationship between the US and North Korea. Yes, the journalists were freed, but the bottom line is that happened because of the level of communication skills produced by Clinton. It doesn’t matter whether we are Bill Clinton fans or not; the guy has a set of skills for delivering a message. Think about it, and this is not an anti Bush statement, just a note on communication and relationship building skills, can you imagine sending George into that situation? Well, you can fill in your own gaps on that.

The ‘beer summit’ was not about the relationship between Gates and Crowley or even Obama and Gates. No, this communication was about a relationship that is its romantic phase, the one between Obama and the American people. As with all romantic relationships, even as idealized as they appear, they are still tenuous…at any moment one of the lovers can be dropped like a hot potato. Obama is, I believe, smart enough to know that…

if you push an issue under the rug eventually the rug will fill the entire room with what’s not being dealt with.

His open communication style has to be seen to be consistent whether it’s between himself and the congress, he, Gates, and Crowley, or more importantly, between Obama and the American people.

Meanwhile, Paula Abdul has been the American Idol judge that many people love and probably just as many love to hate. Paula has always seemed to have an equally love-hate relationship with fellow judge Simon Cowell. Cowell’s style of communication is direct, confrontive, and often cutting.   Abdul’s is indirect, somewhat sugar coated, and she appears to dread conflict like the plague. How wonderfully non confrontational it must have been for Paula to be able to bow out of her position in 140 characters.

What all this comes down to is this; whether your name is Obama, Clinton, or Abdul: 

Your life is run by how well you run your relationships and your relationships will only run as well as your skills are at communicating. In order to have great communication skills you have got to know with absolute certainty what you are looking for in any given relationship.

I believe Obama knew exactly what he wanted as a consequence of the beer summit communication.  Clinton, and my guess Jong-il, would have known exactly what they wanted from their communication.   And although what Paula may have wanted was likely different than what the Presidents wanted, at some level she will have gotten what she needed.

What we all need to consider is that our lives are run by our relationships and the communication skills we use inside those relationships. If you don’t consciously choose what you want from any given interaction, it can and often will give you a result you may have preferred not to have gotten.

If you want to understand more of how the ego-mind is filtering and possibly limiting your communication skills, you can get a hold of my new book: “Don’t Read This…Your Ego Won’t Like It” at http://www.dovbaron.com/product.  However, if it’s relationship that you really want to understand take a look at QuantumSoulMates.com

I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Until next time, live with courage, Dov…

Popularity: 3% [?]