Dov Baron – Mind Mastery

I posted a status on FaceBook that got some very interesting responses.

If you are on Facebook I’m sure you’ll agree that Facebook in its self is a rather fascinating ‘place’ or phenomena.

Originally, when certain people tried to get me on FB, I was resistant and now I have many thousands of  ‘friends’. However, the question I have is do our FB ‘friends’ really know us? Do they even care about who we are, what matters to us, or even what we do?

When I posed the original question on FB so many of my  FB ‘friends’ shared wonderful kind words that touched my heart. I am so grateful to those who replied to my FB status question… I feel enormously honoured to be seen by you all and I deeply value our relationship. What was fascinating was that there were many people who I feel I know well who did not write anything, (of course they may never have seen my question). Just as surprising were all the wonderful comments I got from people I did not even know.

Many years ago I gave a presentation on: “Friends, when to hold them, when to fold them.” I like to share with you a portion of that presentation and you can let me know what you think and feel.

We have all heard people speak of ‘fair weather friends’. These are the people who are your friend in good times…

It is said that when you hit hard times ‘fair weather friends’ will move out faster than bugs from a burning mattress. Clearly it makes sense that if a friend is only there for the good times this isn’t much of a friend.

What I want to share with you are some other kinds of friends you may want to pay attention to, in particular ‘bad weather friends’. I know you’ve been told that real friends will stick with you in times of trouble, and although that is true there is a certain type of friend who is only really there for you in your bad times.

You can probably remember a time when you were in a crappy relationship and this particular friend was right there for you. They told you that s/he is a fool to let you go.  Or maybe you can remember a time when you were in serious financial ‘doo-doo’, and that certain friend was once again, right there for you, telling you that ‘they’ just don’t see your talents and skills. 

In fact the worse things get the closer this kind of friend is. I can almost hear you say; “well what’s wrong with that?”

It’s not that there is something wrong with it, in fact I would agree that a ‘real friend’ would be there for you in such times.  As much as I highly suggest that you be in full gratitude for those who are genuinely there for you in such times of challenge. That being said; we may want to examine this kind of relationship with at least the same level of inquiry as that of a ‘fair weather friend’.

In the case of a ‘fair weather friend’ it’s pretty easy to see why the person is your friend, but have you ever considered why a ‘bad weather friend’ might be hanging out? Just as you might notice a ‘fair weather friend’ fade into the distance during tough times, a ‘bad weather friend’ will disappear during the good times, (particularly if the good times last).

At this point you may be wondering why a ‘bad weather friend’ would go away in good times, well the answer may surprise you. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying:

Misery Loves Company!

There will always be these type of people in your life because at either a conscious or unconscious level they find that you being in the crapper allows them to feel better about themselves.

A ‘bad weather friend’ is incredibly supportive when you are down however, when you are up, you are seen as a threat. They may even use the kind of language that will tell you what kind of friend they really are.  If they say:  “when you become successful, find a lover, get promoted, (or any other kind of status change) you won’t want to be around me anymore.” This is the language of a ‘bad weather friend’.

Good friends, real friends, are there for you in both the good and the bad times. When things are tough they will hold you and tell you what’s great about you. However, when you are wallowing they will kick your ass to get you going if that’s what it takes. This same good friend will be overjoyed for your success in any given area. They want the best for you even if it means that for you to be truly happy and fulfilled they could lose out.

Real friends want you to become all that you are at that soulful level of fulfilling your potential.

A real friend would rather walk away than support you playing small.

A real friend will lift you up so that you can describe the view ahead and in turn inspire them to go to the next level.

I said earlier that Misery Loves Company, well so does Joy! So…

Get yourself around those who are playing big in all areas, especially joy!

I am a blessed man in more ways than I can say here. However, one way I know this for certain is I am surrounded by “Real Friends”. Some I have known for years, some I have known for moments. Some are blood family, some are spiritual family. Some I have hugged and kissed with deep affection, some I know only via the electronic world of this blog, our members site at ResonanceCity.com, and some even through FaceBook , Twitter and YouTube.

However, we know each other, I thank you for being more than a ‘fair weather friend’ or a ‘bad weather friend’.

I am deeply grateful for each of you who lift me up upon your shoulders to shine a light out into the world.

Thank you for celebrating my success, and telling everyone you know about what I teach.

I look forward to your feedback

With gratitude,

P.S. Have you heard “The Accidental Guru” Radio Show yet? I’m your host every Friday Morning from 11AM-12 noon (PST) Details are at: http://radiodov.com

P.S. I deep enjoyed the FaceBook responses, so I  have copied my question and some of the responses below as I thought you’d enjoy the wise and sometime funny insights:

My Question: Are we friends? If you do consider me a friend, please tell me why that is.

• Alexander Kozupytsya
  I heard a lot of good things about you plus you like Tom Jones! They say you’re the new Anthony Robbins….the self help buffs!

• Danielle-Nicole Lareau
  Because..you are me..and I like who you are..pure love and compassion my friend…ciao for now Dani

• Andrea Lachner.  Facebook (and My Space and Twitter LOL) has opened a whole new world to us – we can become ‘friends’ with people we’ve never met (and possibly never will meet) in person. Not to mention people in completely different time zones. Why do I become ‘friends’ with someone like you? Because you are inspiring!!! And I am always keen to read what you have for us to read & think about.
  I have learnt along the way that there are many different type of friends in our lives. There’s the ones that will always be in your life no matter where in the world we each end up. There are the ones that are friends to you only when they need you or when you yourself need them. Which is a paradox to the saying that some people are your friends only in the good times – yup, I know of people that are only your friend in bad times – weird huh? But nevertheless, every person we meet (in person or these days in cyberspace) has something to offer to our lives in some way or another.
  The word ‘friend’ has many more meanings and levels to it than just one or 2 words
  My 2 cents worth this early in the morning (for me) LOL…
  Love and light XX… Read More

• Krystal Pine
  I love you Dov because you are kind and considerate, but also, you have a backbone and stand up for the truth, you are gentle and honest.

• Rosally Saltsman
  Yes. A friend is someone you trust, who possesses qualities you admire, who shares things in common with you and with whom you feel an emotional or spiritual chemistry. A friend is someone whom you feel you can grow through or with and help them to grow as well. It isn’t unusual in today’s technology or higher spiritual awareness to have friends you’ve never met. It’s just hard to have friends you never see.

• Kim Dushinski… Yes, I consider you a friend because you have gone dog walking with me more times than you know. (Via my MP3 player, of course).

• Natalie Gibson
  Because you are who you are and you’re not afraid to show it, because you’re continually pushing your own growth at an exponential rate, because you are profoundly integral with yourself and with others, because you don’t bullshit me with social nice disease and because we laugh and have fun together. simple, really.

• Naseem Rahman
  We are born into our families and we are related to them by blood. Yet, there are some people who enter our lives for a reason and they become a part of our family, leaving a lasting impression on our lives. You are one such person in my life, Dov. You are my friend, my mentor,my guide and the voice of reason for me when the chips are down & I … feel cornered in a dark place. You are God’s gift to this universe, making it a better place to live. May the light of your enlightenment spread to places afar …You are simply the BEST….with Love Naseem

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Who was Michael Jackson?

Was he a genius singer, songwriter, and dancer?  Or was he just Wacko Jacko?  Maybe he was a deeply loving father who was also possibly a child molester?

Let me be clear, I did not personally know Michael Jackson. I never met the man and my opinion of who the man was  is only as informed as all the other people out there with an opinion. Let’s face it, opinions are like noses; almost everyone has one.  It is for this very reason that I’ve decided to write this article.

What I will say is this; I refuse to see Michael Jackson through a single lens.  A lens given to me by a bias media feeding frenzy who just a few years ago tortured Michael with a complete lack of privacy, judging his every action as that of someone who was “wacko”. The same media today deify the man with 24-hour news coverage.

Was Michael Jackson a Master, a Monster, or simply a Man who we saw through a distorted lens?

The simple truth is that, I like you, during my life,  have suffered the cruelty of those who were only willing to see me through a single perception of who I am.  Over the years I have worked with many people who have battled to be seen as more than fat, thin, ugly, too pretty, too smart, too dumb, too young, too old, or some other limiting idea . Each one of these people, just like you, was far more than the labels put upon them.

While walking down a busy street with a friend of mine chatting and laughing,  I suddenly noticed someone I knew approaching us. This person seemed to recognize both my friend and me.  The person approaching nodded a cool hello and carried on.  I thought little of the event until two days later when I was on my own and bumped into the same person who had given us the cool nod.  This person walked up to me and said:

“How can you be friends with Joe, (alias for my friend), he is such an ass?”

My answer was simple: “I have no idea who you are talking about.” This guy said; “yes you do, I saw you with Joe the other day.”  I reiterated: “I have no idea who you are talking about. Yes you saw me with Joe but I have no idea who the ass is you are referring to.”  This guy then seemed to feel it was his duty to fill me in on all Joe’s faults.  I quickly interrupted him and said: “That’s not my experience of Joe and your experience is your own. I will not judge Joe by any other experience than the one I have with him.”

Michael Jackson arrived in most of our lives via ‘the box’, as we watched glued to our TV sets; we saw a very young and extraordinarily talented kid sing, dance, and warm our hearts.

Most people only knew Michael through that same box and on June 25th, 2009 it was that box that told us of his death. On July 7th, 2009 Michael appeared one final time in another box, his casket, and the world said it’s goodbyes to a man they once called the ‘King of Pop’. Michael Jackson came to us via a box and like most of us will, he also left in one.  However, it is up to each and every one of us to decide if we will keep him in ‘the box’ we were sold him in.

Michael Jackson was clearly an outstanding talented man at what he did for a living; he was not an average guy with a 9-to-5 lifestyle. But, let us not forget that even the average guy deserves to be seen through more than a single lens. Human beings are much more than the boxes we like to put them in…

We are all multifaceted beings whose many sides are impossible to see if we’re busy standing in judgment of a single facet.

There’s a good chance that even though you are reading this I don’t personally know you.  Nonetheless, how would you feel if someone judged you, put you in a box through a single facet of your life.  IE: “Oh you’re a stay at home mom, so obviously you’re a…” Or, “Oh, you’re in the banking business, obviously you’re…”  Is this kind of thinking any different than judging a person by their colour, creed, or religion?

Prejudice is prejudice.

One type of prejudice is not better or worse than another.

What prejudice is at its very roots is the inability to see a person as a whole that contains many parts.

Furthermore, prejudice is judging someone through a myopic single lens that blinds us to the beauty of who they are above and beyond that narrow view we have decided is the only representation.

There was a time when the media said Michael was a child molester and you may have heard that and agreed. After all, the evidence we the public were fed was incriminating.  But, let us also remember that at his memorial his daughter Paris said:

“I just want to say; ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine.  And I just wanted to say, I love him so much.”

My final words on this are simple: I did not know Michael Jackson. I only have my very limited experience of how I choose to have his life impact mine.

I cannot and will not judge the elephant by its tail alone.

I look forward to your feedback and comments.

Until next time live with courage, Dov…

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