Friends Family and FaceBook

November 21, 2009 | Comments | Leadership, Relationship, mind power, motivation, personal development, psychology, wealth consciousness


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I posted a status on FaceBook that got some very interesting responses.

If you are on Facebook I’m sure you’ll agree that Facebook in its self is a rather fascinating ‘place’ or phenomena.

Originally, when certain people tried to get me on FB, I was resistant and now I have many thousands of  ‘friends’. However, the question I have is do our FB ‘friends’ really know us? Do they even care about who we are, what matters to us, or even what we do?

When I posed the original question on FB so many of my  FB ‘friends’ shared wonderful kind words that touched my heart. I am so grateful to those who replied to my FB status question… I feel enormously honoured to be seen by you all and I deeply value our relationship. What was fascinating was that there were many people who I feel I know well who did not write anything, (of course they may never have seen my question). Just as surprising were all the wonderful comments I got from people I did not even know.

Many years ago I gave a presentation on: “Friends, when to hold them, when to fold them.” I like to share with you a portion of that presentation and you can let me know what you think and feel.

We have all heard people speak of ‘fair weather friends’. These are the people who are your friend in good times…

It is said that when you hit hard times ‘fair weather friends’ will move out faster than bugs from a burning mattress. Clearly it makes sense that if a friend is only there for the good times this isn’t much of a friend.

What I want to share with you are some other kinds of friends you may want to pay attention to, in particular ‘bad weather friends’. I know you’ve been told that real friends will stick with you in times of trouble, and although that is true there is a certain type of friend who is only really there for you in your bad times.

You can probably remember a time when you were in a crappy relationship and this particular friend was right there for you. They told you that s/he is a fool to let you go.  Or maybe you can remember a time when you were in serious financial ‘doo-doo’, and that certain friend was once again, right there for you, telling you that ‘they’ just don’t see your talents and skills. 

In fact the worse things get the closer this kind of friend is. I can almost hear you say; “well what’s wrong with that?”

It’s not that there is something wrong with it, in fact I would agree that a ‘real friend’ would be there for you in such times.  As much as I highly suggest that you be in full gratitude for those who are genuinely there for you in such times of challenge. That being said; we may want to examine this kind of relationship with at least the same level of inquiry as that of a ‘fair weather friend’.

In the case of a ‘fair weather friend’ it’s pretty easy to see why the person is your friend, but have you ever considered why a ‘bad weather friend’ might be hanging out? Just as you might notice a ‘fair weather friend’ fade into the distance during tough times, a ‘bad weather friend’ will disappear during the good times, (particularly if the good times last).

At this point you may be wondering why a ‘bad weather friend’ would go away in good times, well the answer may surprise you. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying:

Misery Loves Company!

There will always be these type of people in your life because at either a conscious or unconscious level they find that you being in the crapper allows them to feel better about themselves.

A ‘bad weather friend’ is incredibly supportive when you are down however, when you are up, you are seen as a threat. They may even use the kind of language that will tell you what kind of friend they really are.  If they say:  “when you become successful, find a lover, get promoted, (or any other kind of status change) you won’t want to be around me anymore.” This is the language of a ‘bad weather friend’.

Good friends, real friends, are there for you in both the good and the bad times. When things are tough they will hold you and tell you what’s great about you. However, when you are wallowing they will kick your ass to get you going if that’s what it takes. This same good friend will be overjoyed for your success in any given area. They want the best for you even if it means that for you to be truly happy and fulfilled they could lose out.

Real friends want you to become all that you are at that soulful level of fulfilling your potential.

A real friend would rather walk away than support you playing small.


A real friend will lift you up so that you can describe the view ahead and in turn inspire them to go to the next level.

I said earlier that Misery Loves Company, well so does Joy! So…

Get yourself around those who are playing big in all areas, especially joy!

I am a blessed man in more ways than I can say here. However, one way I know this for certain is I am surrounded by “Real Friends”. Some I have known for years, some I have known for moments. Some are blood family, some are spiritual family. Some I have hugged and kissed with deep affection, some I know only via the electronic world of this blog, our members site at ResonanceCity.com, and some even through FaceBook , Twitter and YouTube.

However, we know each other, I thank you for being more than a ‘fair weather friend’ or a ‘bad weather friend’.

I am deeply grateful for each of you who lift me up upon your shoulders to shine a light out into the world.

Thank you for celebrating my success, and telling everyone you know about what I teach.

I look forward to your feedback

With gratitude,

P.S. Have you heard “The Accidental Guru” Radio Show yet? I’m your host every Friday Morning from 11AM-12 noon (PST) Details are at: http://radiodov.com

P.S. I deep enjoyed the FaceBook responses, so I  have copied my question and some of the responses below as I thought you’d enjoy the wise and sometime funny insights:

My Question: Are we friends? If you do consider me a friend, please tell me why that is.

  • Alexander Kozupytsya
    I heard a lot of good things about you plus you like Tom Jones! They say you’re the new Anthony Robbins….the self help buffs!
  • Danielle-Nicole Lareau
    Because..you are me..and I like who you are..pure love and compassion my friend…ciao for now Dani
  • Tracy Lee… You are my friend my brother and my inspiration and motivation, I love you for a multitude of reasons that stem back to my childhood, and I honour and thank you for being YOU for as long as I can remember, the only authentic soul I have ever known. xxx
  • Andrea Lachner.  Facebook (and My Space and Twitter LOL) has opened a whole new world to us – we can become ‘friends’ with people we’ve never met (and possibly never will meet) in person. Not to mention people in completely different time zones. Why do I become ‘friends’ with someone like you? Because you are inspiring!!! And I am always keen to read what you have for us to read & think about.
    I have learnt along the way that there are many different type of friends in our lives. There’s the ones that will always be in your life no matter where in the world we each end up. There are the ones that are friends to you only when they need you or when you yourself need them. Which is a paradox to the saying that some people are your friends only in the good times – yup, I know of people that are only your friend in bad times – weird huh? :) But nevertheless, every person we meet (in person or these days in cyberspace) has something to offer to our lives in some way or another.
    The word ‘friend’ has many more meanings and levels to it than just one or 2 words :)
    My 2 cents worth this early in the morning (for me) LOL…
    Love and light XX… Read More
  • Krystal Pine
    I love you Dov because you are kind and considerate, but also, you have a backbone and stand up for the truth, you are gentle and honest.
  • Rosally Saltsman
    Yes. A friend is someone you trust, who possesses qualities you admire, who shares things in common with you and with whom you feel an emotional or spiritual chemistry. A friend is someone whom you feel you can grow through or with and help them to grow as well. It isn’t unusual in today’s technology or higher spiritual awareness to have friends you’ve never met. It’s just hard to have friends you never see.
  • Kim Dushinski… Yes, I consider you a friend because you have gone dog walking with me more times than you know. (Via my MP3 player, of course).
  • Natalie Gibson
    Because you are who you are and you’re not afraid to show it, because you’re continually pushing your own growth at an exponential rate, because you are profoundly integral with yourself and with others, because you don’t bullshit me with social nice disease and because we laugh and have fun together. simple, really.
  • Naseem Rahman
    We are born into our families and we are related to them by blood. Yet, there are some people who enter our lives for a reason and they become a part of our family, leaving a lasting impression on our lives. You are one such person in my life, Dov. You are my friend, my mentor,my guide and the voice of reason for me when the chips are down & I … feel cornered in a dark place. You are God’s gift to this universe, making it a better place to live. May the light of your enlightenment spread to places afar …You are simply the BEST….with Love Naseem
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  • KeithLloyd
    Thanks Dov for posting this article. As usual you demonstrate and provoke a lot of thought processes to occur in all of us BMI participants. I tend to think of friends not as fair weather or bad weather, but more in terms of my relationships with them. Some friends are closer than others and the true ones are there to not only pick me up and support me in bad times, but participate in celebrating the good times as well. I also realise partly based on your teachings that everything and everyone comes into our lives for a reason. So I tend to celebrate new and old friends entering my life at whatever point I am at in my life. It is because of my activity in Facebook that I have been so fortunate as to reconnect with friends that had left my life for a while but for no really good reason. And in reconnecting with these friends I found that although our own lives had changed and shifted, we still were able to converse with each other as though we hadn't ever been out of each others lives.

    I missed your request for comments regarding the quality of friendships that one can have with thousands of Facebook friends and questioning what friendship really is. I have been so fortunate to have met you and participated in your workshops over the last year and a half and have so much gratitude for you and your teachings. I consider you my friend because you take my best interests in personal development personally, and you genuinely wish for my success and growth. And I believe that it is in the way that you connect with each individual that makes them feel that you are each individual's friend. Do I feel that connection? You betcha! And it's why I came to help out at the last Attracting Force. I will continue to want to help you out and to get to know you better when given the opportunity. That's, I believe, how friendships are built. It is an honour to know you and have you as my friend.
  • Florin
    How are you Dov? :D
    I don't really expect something in return from friends. All I want is to love them and offer my services the best way I can at that moment. Like if you contact me and ask me to help you with something I will do it with my heart even if I don't know you because the intention itself to do good helps you, not always the result of my work.Reading your posts I really wish I would know you better :) , but I really don't know much about myself :lol:

  • lindseywalker
    Dear Dov, Spirit blew your teachings into my life and as always, the spiritual choreography is perfect. You have already shaped my thinking and being. You remind us in your poem that we always see ourselves in others. I see a lot of myself in you, your determind attitude, your passion to make a difference, your compassion, your no bullshit attitude, your gentleness, your fun loving self, your deep interest in the whole picture, and perhaps more that I don't yet see. Does that make us friends? Does sharing my deepest self through the individual work with you allow me to call you my friend? I would wish it so but I would not presume it automatically. On one level however you are my closest friend at this time for you are standing at the doorway of my soul in serious but compassionate dialogue with me about my life. I invited you in with trust and love. I know as souls we are all here to help each other in whatever way that may show itself. With that thought in mind of course you are my friend and I yours. We are all part of the blessed whole. Thank you Dov for being there, for being my friend, for seeing me and guiding me. With love and gratitude, Lindsey.
  • George Greenwood
    Hi Dov.

    Frienship is probably a misunderstood or at least a misused word in our language. To me a true friend, as you say, is there both in the good times and bad, standing with me no matter what I do. A true friend is there to correct what I do and not be afraid of the consequenses - because they are authentic.

    You have shown me, through your incredible programs, what a friend can be and how relationships can be genuine based on truth (my truth).

    True friendship is not about time or results, it is about belief in that person.
    Thank you for your belief.
  • Yes, George I fully agree that the word friendship is thrown around without even considering that friendship is a responsability.
  • sharoneelizabeth
    Dov: You are my teacher, a higher and more respected realm than friend
    A friend lasts a day, a year, a lifetime, a teacher and his teachings last forever In gratitude for you and your teachings Sharone Elizabeth
  • Sharone,
    I deeply and sincerely thank you for your very generous words. Such salutations from a woman as wise as yourself is accepted with reverence.
    Dov...
  • Rosally Saltsman
    I think we need to give the benefit of the doubt to bad weather friends. Many people are too busy to engage in social activities. They don't have time for their friends because time is at a premium. But when they really need them, they're there. It would be nice if they had time to be there always but if I need a friend (and I frequently do) (I always do), it's a comfort to know I have friends with an umbrella with my ame on it.
  • Rosally,
    As you point out, we are all busy, from my point of view friendship is not particularly about time. Friendship in the way I'm discussing it here is about being in resonance with the highest and best for yourself and your friend.
    Dov...
  • johneregan
    Hi Dov, it makes me so proud when i read all these wonderful responses, because i truly value you as a friend and mentor. we have not met yet and yet there is a bond, a familierness, a sharing of ideals and beliefs which join us. Your in your face, tell it how it is philosophy is completely in line with my own. I look forward to the day we meet my friend, thank you so much Dov! 'You are the man!'
  • Hey John,

    It seems to me that one of the true signs of friendship is that friends mentor each other. Friendship in many ways is the reflection of wisdom that we speak being spoken back to us. I deeply and sincerely thank you for your very generous words. I look forward to the day when we will sit together over a Guinness . Dov...
  • johneregan
    I look forward to that day with impatience, I'm sure we have so much to discuss. and yes a pint of the black stuff will help as well. Cheers my friend. and keep up the great inspiration. cheers John
  • Glen Friesen
    The day I first met you I knew you to be my friend. Your truths and insights cut me to the soul and you forced me to reposition myself in this world. (I had lost my way). What I treasure the most is that I have never felt you are "too big" to listen or spend time answering my questions. Your no BS honesty is worth more than you will know. I love your sense of humor. You inspire me to keep pushing the edge of my comfort zone. I will never be the same. Thank you for everything you have given.
  • Thank you Glen,

    All to often we think that people are our friends because they say "nice" things to us, while in fact a real friend is one who is willing to tell us the truth even if we'd prefer the nice stuff. With gratitude, Dov...
  • Mary
    I like your messages and that you're part of the answers rather than the problems that we face. I hope blessings find you everyday. As far as the social media, unless I know someone, have looked into their eyes, I've a hard time trusting them. Some people are family and friends, some are nice strangers who share some of my values but don't really know me, and probably wouldn't miss me if I could not be found. I wish to be wrong about that.
  • Yes Mary,
    I too like the eye contact moments. Those are the one where the mask falls away and the heart opens to reveal whatever is beneath.
    Dov...
  • Great question. This type of question has bubbled in my head a few years ago as I was personally questioning to myself what are real friendships I have. When I was pondering this question, I was actually thinking two way friendships. It is clear to me in myself when I'm being a friend to someone else but I started to recognize me being a friend in itself does not automatically equate to a friendship because I started to recognize some people I was a friend to, I had to recognize that is all it was. Me being a friend to them but they were not really being a friend to me. But there was also the aspect do I even allow the space for someone to be able to be a friend and I think in some cases I've just been comfortable being a friend rather than developing a friendship. It is still something to work and play at in life around all types of relationships and Dov you've been a light shining brightly to me to ask myself deeper questions around these areas of life and also do something about what I learn to make changes in life.

    For me you are clearly a friend. Hearing you as a speaker and educator on such topics is only where it starts. You are way more than just that. Your wisdom and humour, passion care and way of being so authentic and I just love that about you as a person in our world. You are an inspiration to be that way in the world and you got a deepness about you so it so refreshing in a world where a lot of people seem only interest in surface stuff. You are a friend in that sense of showing me, hey there are cool people in the world that are willing to be very deep but at the same time be light, fun and unique. You add so much to my life just being who you are. I gain greatly from your presence in our world so on that level you are a friend and mentor role. However , now I've got to meet you in person too. Before that, your light was shining brightly from other side of planet. Now I got to see your light shining brightly in person. Both as a speaker at an event and also afterwards spending some time with you one on one. That was way cool aspect of you being you. A real genuine friend. You pointed out sites for me to look at in your city and really special you showing me where this forest was one of your students walks around in as he uses your EFM audio technology. You also recommended things I could do to take in what I was learning deeper. You give so much of yourself in so many ways that to me you are this new friend. I always like to see what any person is like one on one because to be honest I can see and sense lot of people in our world can be very different in person to what they seem to be in other environments like group settings, media, tv, internet etc etc. and Dov the person anyone sees in various mediums and environments is the same authentic person I meet in person to. You are a wonderful friend to the world I live in for all people by your example of the way you be and personally your way of being with me is another level of friendship I value greatly. Thank you so much for being a friend Dov. I most certainly consider you a friend. Your light shines brightly in so many ways and what bubbles up in me is how can I be a better friend to Dov ?

    Is showing pics of people with dodgy looking moes beng a friend? lol
  • Anita Moon
    Hi Dov, didn't see the FB post & so didn't reply to it.
    Having said that, I have read through your blog & comments above & can agree on most of it.
    Since being serve with a bankruptcy notice 5 days ago - its amazing how many people have run & how many have stayed....the majority in the former.
    It seems that being in debt still has a social stigma attached to it for some.......for me it is the first step in being free of financial hardship & a chance to enjoy the true riches of life, that is: to enjoy the people who stayed. Thank you.
  • You came into my life for a reason just at the right time and by no accident. Even though I might not connect with you on weekly or monthly basis when I do think of you my heart wells up with love and gratitude. There you have it my friend. Much love and hugs,
    Brenda
  • Annette
    Hi Dov;

    I didn't see your FB post. I have taken all of your programs. (Missed a few of your open dialogue days.) But I have to say that I consider you my friend because you wouldn't let me slack off or give up when (more than once) I wanted to throw in the towel. I am sooooo grateful to you for having the commitment to my growth because it has all been worth it and very beneficial for me in the end. To your continued success. Love and Hugs Annette <3
  • MaryR
    Your blog touched close to my heart because it's a tough lesson I've learned recently. Many of my proclaimed 'close' friends were there when I had my head down. As I began taking a great deal of postive steps in accountability and making measureable shifts in my beliefs & perceptions in my life, I became aware that the 'close' friends were noticeably absent when I've had cause to celebrate - even skipped out on my 40th!. They were absent with accolades and kind words in some of the smaller triumphs I've made and through the grapevine heard I was being slammed quite a lot by these same people. I've been developing a better and most def an authentic support system and helping some of my longer time friends understand my changes and if they are onboard - great. It has been a chore, way understatement, to train myself to contact my real friends in either my up or down times - but more specifically when I need that atta girl, you keep it up pat on the back. I had to break the addiction I had to the thoughts I had about them - "I just know they have something good to say about this accomplishment - I've given them encouragement and praise for theirs...and been there even when they are down..." I've felt so much more self-worth in breaking that addiction. I don't have to struggle to get value and recognition reflected back to me.
  • Dov,
    Thanks for posting this little article.I have had my fair share of "bad weather friends" in my life.Correct me if I'm wrong,a "bad weather friend" can also,while being there for you when your down,do things literally to hold you back from succeeding in an almost passive aggressive way.
    My wife and I have known a boss who seemingly will cause a scheduling conflict when we have plans for her book or my weekends off to do family stuff.This happens all the time.He'll often comment on how great he thinks we are doing what we do,but then complains we are taking too much time to do it while making sure our spare time is filled up with last minute J.O.B. duties.

    I have to apologize here as I was one of those that didn't post to your friendship question.I read it,considered what I would write,looked at what others had read and simply couldn't have said it any better.I want to take the time here to THANK YOU for all that you have done for me(and continue to do) and everyone else.You are one those people who garner instant trust and mutual respect.It is my sincere hope that we can continue our relationship and that it continues to grow.

    Pieter
  • evanhadkins
    Hi Dov,

    Not really friends - we haven't shared enough stuff as individuals. The 'broadcast' of posts and such doesn't really build enough individual rapport for me. I think facebook 'friends' aren't really friends until we've built up some individual conversations. Maybe we need another word for social media 'friends'. I do really value your content, and I like the personal way you have of communicating.
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